So you love your husband…

I have had some thoughts really heavy on my heart lately that I wanted to share with you. My thoughts are all about how we treat our husbands. I know I have written a little about this in the past, but it is such an important topic that I don’t think we can hear too much about.

In the title when I say, “So you love your husband…” What I mean by that is, if you truly love your husband then speak, act and think in love…not telling you to be a perfect wife because there is no such thing, but I think there are some things women out there that I have come across lately could do a little differently to show that they truly love their husbands.

Lately I have been hearing some horrible things that have really struck me hard. Horrible things coming from the mouths of people standing in the grocery line behind me in the store and shockingly even from the mouths of people I know. Here are some exact things I have heard or read,

1. A comic re-pinned on Pinterest and showed up in my news feed:

– The dad says while looking into the baby crib, “He is finally asleep, i’ll just give him a little goodnight smooch.”

– Mom standing behind him says, “If you wake him up, i’ll rip your face off.” 

My thought on this ladies is this. Yikes!!! I hope to God that people don’t actually say something like that to their husbands and the father of their children. Now I have had my share of frustration toward my husband for waking a sleeping baby, but I have come to a conclusion. They only reason why he wants to give them a kiss while they are sleeping is because he loves them THAT much and can’t just wait for kisses in the morning. In my situation I have to remember that my husband doesn’t get to see our daughter as much as I do because he works during the day. Putting myself in his shoes, I cannot blame him! So please ladies, PLEASE don’t say such things to your husbands!

2. Standing behind me in the line at Meijer a woman says to her DAUGHTER after hanging up the phone with what was clearly a bad conversation with her husband:

– “Your dad is really pissing me off!”

My thought on this: Well, she could have said so much more than that, but there are still several problems with this statement…First it is said to her daughter who she is supposed to be shaping to become a wife someday and is hopefully shaping her to be a respectful woman. Now given, I don’t know if there was a divorce involved in this situation, but honestly, that doesn’t matter! Teach your children to respect their father because it could effect the way they are in a marriage someday.

3. “I really want to do it so I say SCREW HIM. I’m doing it if I want to!”

AHHHH! This statement has not left my mind since I first heard it and then the second time I heard it and then the third time I heard it. Screw him?? No ladies!!! Respect him! This is a situation where the husband doesn’t want his wife to do something specific and she needs to be SUBMISSIVE and RESPECTFUL to his decision and not just say “screw him” behind his back! This statement scares me more than most statements I have heard because THIS has many many core issues behind it but the biggest of all is an issue of respect! If you have said this before I pray to God you don’t ever again. I can speak for myself and say it is such a gut wrenching thing to hear someone say about someone they LOVE!!!

4. MARRIED Women I KNOW re-pinning pins on Pinterest of celebrity men with their shirts off!

WHY LADIES??? If you don’t agree with your husband looking at porn then don’t be a hypocrite by having a whole board on Pinterest dedicated to “Yummy Celebrities”!! It is so so so wrong and so so so disrespectful!! I am beyond embarrassed for you when I see those things that you post PUBLICLY!!! Why are men so ashamed of porn and sneak around to do it without their wives knowing, but we think it’s okay to post it publicly for everyone in the world to see that you think THAT guys is “yummy” or “sexy” with his shirt off??? Well here is a statement for you my friends: YOUR HUSBAND SHOULD BE THE ONLY SEXY MAN TO YOU! I am by far not a perfect wife, but I can tell you right here right now that no other man has caught my eye, not even Ryan Gosling with his shirt off, ever since I married my husband! Looking at a man in that way, ladies, is causing you to fall, causing you to fall into an affair in your mind! If you can’t help yourself from those images then get off Pinterest!!

5. Finally, don’t talk to other people like your husband is the dumbest thing that walked on this earth.

I have heard lots of people talk directly to me or in a conversation I have overheard where they are talking so low about their husbands. Talking like they are dirt under their feet. It is so sad to hear things like that, so I encourage you, if you really truly love your husband, speak about him in love. Why wouldn’t we if we love him so much right?

Okay, so I could seriously go on and on…pages and pages of my thoughts on this and examples on this topic, but I think I have given enough examples.

Let me just say one more time I am by far not a perfect wife. I don’t always respect my husband. But some of these examples are something I can promise you I could  never ever bring myself to do or say. I love my husband more than words could even express. I can’t help but share the verse that really says it all,

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 

Ladies!! LOVE your husband!! LOVE the father of your children!! RESPECT your husband!! Be SUBMISSIVE to your husband!! HONOR your husband!!

I dare you to do something…be aware of what you say to your husband. Think before you speak about him or directly to him. Take your thoughts captive and don’t speak those evil thoughts that the Devil wants you to express so badly!

Thank your husband for all that he does and seek his forgiveness on any disrespect you have had towards him that you have chosen to deny.  Most of all tell him you love him so so much and ask him to pray for you in this area if this is something you struggle with. There is nothing more beautiful than a husband and wife that pray for each other.

Finally, don’t forget to remind him that you think he is the sexiest man alive. 🙂

Thanks for taking the time to read my thoughts today. I’m sure it came across more like a rant on the topic, which it kinda was. But it is so important and I hope you took something from it!

Here is a picture of my wonderful husband and I! I just love this guy so much I had to share a photo of us with all of you!

Have a wonderful week and a great Christmas!!

“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.” Ephesians 5:22-24 

Be Still, God Will Provide

A lot has been going on in the past month. My husband got a new job and he is absolutely loving it. I am so thankful that God provided a job for my husband that he really enjoys and can use his God given gifts at. What a blessing. And the other plus is that he doesn’t work at a hot warehouse anymore so he gets to dress up and not smell stinky when he comes home. 🙂 Another wonderful blessing! 😉

In other news, we have been really praying that God provides a bigger home for us. We live in a cute little tiny home right now. It is one bedroom so for the past year my daughter has been living in our room with us. Its been a challenge to say the least. But we have made it work, but now with a second child on the way we definitely need more space. We have been putting our faith and trust in God and we know that He will provide what we need and when we need it. All in God’s timing.

We have found a home that we really like. It is 3 bedroom, 2 full bath. Good location, good neighborhood, close to friends, closer to our church. But now here we are in a position where we are trusting that God will provide us with the finances to purchase the home. All we need is $6500 to get it and we believe that if God wants us to have this home then it will happen. If not then that just means He has a different plan and that is fine too.

This attitude of mine was not easy to come to. The sinner in me wants to just get frustrated that we don’t  have that kind of money to get us started. The sinner in me wants to get inpatient when the timing isnt going quick enough for me. The sinner in me wants to be fearful that God isn’t going to provide. The sinner in me wants to struggle with trusting God.

Putting all your trust in God is not an easy thing to do. But when you do get to that point it is such a freeing feeling. I know that God has a plan for our family and I know that He is protecting us and He loves us. So I will sit here and wait, praise my God, worship Him, pray to Him and live for Him. I will do this all while I am waiting. Instead of getting frustrated and inpatient.

My Heavenly Father, 

I know that you are watching over my family. I know that you are a God who has blessed us beyond words already. You have blessed us far more than we deserve. We are so thankful for your mercy and your love for us. I pray if it is your will you will bless us with the finances to move into a bigger home preferably before baby 2 arrives. If not, then please give us that peace and patience to press on and continue honoring and glorifying you. You are high and exalted above all else and I trust you. 

In your Heavenly name, Amen. 

Please be in prayer for our family right now. Not necessarily that we will find a home and the finances to move, but that we will have patience, peace and continue to trust in our God.

I hope you all have a blessed week

Elysa

I had the privilege to attend a Kari Jobe and All Sons and Daughters concert on Sunday. Thank you to me wonderful husband for the tickets as my birthday gift. 😉 This song is really speaking to me right now and I wanted to share it with you. I hope it speaks to you the same and encourages your soul to be still in times of trouble.

 

BIG NEWS!

Hello!

I come with lots of great news to share!

First off, my hubby got a new job! This is such a blessing to us because he has really been wanting to change jobs for awhile into to doing something that he really enjoys! He is so excited and I’m so excited for him! I am also excited that he will not be coming home stinky from working in a warehouse anymore! YAY!

Secondly, Jaylin will be 1 this coming Sunday the 19th. I honestly cannot believe how quick this went! Stay tuned for a blog post written for my sweet girl!

We had her first birthday party last Saturday and it was so much fun! Thank you to everyone who came out to it to celebrate our baby girl! She is loving all of her new things and mommy is loving it too because she plays so well with her new toys! 🙂 I will post photos from her birthday party as soon as I can locate the memory card reader for my camera. 🙂

Thirdly, WE ARE PREGNANT! I know right? cRaZy. All I can say in this is that God is just blessing us big time this month! (not to mention HE blesses us all the time!) There is lots to prepare for since we do not live in a house that can hold another child, unless anyone knows of a cool crib bunk bed idea? haha. So moving will be happening in the next 10 months and we also need a bigger vehicle. So please be in prayer that we can find a good place to move and a good cheap car!

We were kinda surprised to be pregnant this soon after my daughter, but we couldn’t be more happy! We know that God has an awesome plan and we may not be completely ready yet for a second baby but we know and trust that God will provide these next several months!

We are so excited for all these big changes!

Prayer Requests:

– Pray for Matthew as he starts his new job on August 20!

– Pray for Jaylin as we start teaching her more about sharing toys and pray that she can adjust to being a big sister and the jealousy monster doesn’t kick in. 🙂

– Pray for myself and a healthy pregnancy!

– And finally just pray for wisdom, continued trust and patience in our home as we look for a new place to move and for a bigger vehicle!

Stay tuned! I will be posting more news about the whole family and also about baby Griz 2 who should be arriving late April 2013!

Have a blessed week!

Elysa

“I DO”

Today marks a special day. Today marks the day that I married my wonderful husband.

August 3, 2010 I said, “I Do.”

This day was not your typical traditional wedding day. There was no big white dress, no big crowds, no brides side and grooms side, no big reception, no first dance, no tossing of the bouquet and no honeymoon.

But there was something I did have. The love of my life standing in front of me.

That is where our journey together started. Not just a journey like a fun road trip with a best friend. A spiritual journey. A journey of battles and trials. Ultimately leading to surrender.

A lot of people ask me if i regret the way I got married to my husband. My answer…

Absolutely not. 

Yes, there are some things that could have been done differently, but it was God’s plan for us to face the challenge and to use that challenge to grow stronger in HIM.

We walked through darkness for several months. But it made us stronger as a couple, stronger spiritually as a couple and individuals, and also led us to fall into a deep love for our Heavenly Father.

One of my many favorite scripture passages is James 1:2-4- “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”

I wouldn’t change anything from that day. I am thankful for the trials and I count them as pure joy because our faith was tested and we persevered with the help of our Great God!

So today, 2 years later, we are still growing and learning in Christ and will be continuing to learn and grow until eternity!

We have a beautiful, almost 1 year old daughter, who is such a joy to us!

God is so good and we are truly blessed! 

I cannot think of a better way to wrap up this blog post then to say a prayer for my husband….

“Heavenly Father, thank you for blessing me with Matthew. He is a gift from you God! Thank you for his hard work, thank you for his dedication to his family, thank you that he puts his family first, thank you for his deep love for me and his children. God, you have blessed me far more than I deserve and I thank you for your mercy. I pray that as we continue to 50 + more years of marriage, Lord Willing, that you give us gentle and quiet spirits. A yearning heart always wanting to seek you MORE and deeper and deeper love for each other and for our Heavenly Father. With all these things, I pray. Amen.” 

Happy Anniversary Matthew! I love you biggest bunches! 

2 years later and I would still say “I DO!” 

Love always,

Your Wife  ❤

* Here is a movie of some pictures of Matthew and I from 2006-Present- The song playing is our song- “For My Love” By Bethany Dillon.*

Thankful For TINY Things.

So today I have been productive and making my little tiny house feel more like a home. As you read in my last post, I have been kinda discouraged in knowing exactly where God wants our family. We want to move into a bigger home, but the right place just hasn’t come along yet and we know that it is all in God’s timing. This little house that we live in is an absolute blessing. I say this because we could be living in an apartment without a driveway and a front and back yard if we didn’t have this little house. I love having the big front window to look out and see the rain during a storm, the birds and bunnies, our new little kittens playing and walking along the window sill, and even the silly raccoon that wanders around our yard at night.

And today I wouldn’t have been able to work on some landscaping and paint our front door if we lived in an apartment. 🙂 

Yes, this house is tiny. Roughly 600 square feet to be exact. 🙂 But it is a house and for that I am thankful for. 

So that is why today I have been spending the whole day making this little house feel more like a home. I have continually been feeling like this isn’t a home because I wouldn’t let it feel like that. I kept letting my discouragement get the best of me. So I have done lots of little things around the house to make it feel more like home. 🙂 

Soil and Mulch has been spread in the flower box that my wonderful hubby built for me.:) 

The front door has been painted from a nasty ugly green color to a beautiful barn red color. 

I also went a little paint happy (doesn’t that happen to us all?) and I painted this old flower box that was here when we moved in and even the kitty house. 🙂 

Debating whether or not the trim around the windows need to be painted too…I might wait for the hubby’s advice on that one. 🙂 

But I am so excited about how much the outside of this house actually looks like a home that someone lives in! 

Now to hopefully get some flowers in my flower box soon and some hanging baskets. 🙂 

We typically always have something going on in our lives that we are not content with. But I have learned over and over again in the past 22 years of my life that it helps to step back and look at the big picture. For me, I looked at the fact that I have a home and thought about those who don’t have a home at all. And I have a front yard and some don’t. And I have a flower box, and some don’t have a place for one. And I have a front door that I can paint, and some cannot because there are certain rules to where they are living. 

So instead of focusing on the negatives in the situation that you are not content with, focus on the positive things. 

There is always at least one positive thing in a situation. 🙂 I guarantee it. 🙂

So with all this to say, I am thankful for those TINY things…like my tiny house. 🙂

Hope you all have a blessed week! 

I am off to go spend the rest of my day (and hopefully weeks and months and years) being thankful for where I am in life. 🙂 

Elysa 

 

Crossroads

Our family has been sitting at a crossroad for the past few weeks. I find one of the hardest times is when you have to wait. Waiting is hard to do. It takes patience, strength, trust, hope and even a good attitude (which can often be the hardest part). Just to clarify…the kind of waiting I am talking about is not like waiting for your birthday to come, or for a specific event you just can hardly wait for, or the timeless moments a husband waits in the car for his wife to finish getting ready. No, I am talking about the ultimate waiting…the hardest waiting anyone ever has to go through. That is…waiting on God.

Waiting to know what his plan is for you life.

Waiting to know what road HE wants you to take when standing at a crossroad.

Waiting to know if the road you want to take more than the other one should even be a reality in our minds

Waiting to know what the next chapter in your life is that GOD has planned.

So much waiting and I find myself often getting inpatient, upset, discontent, scared, weak, and even hopeless. It’s a scary step to take when you hand your life to God and sit back and attempt to enjoy the ride.

I have so many questions running through my mind. Do we move? Do we not move? Do we job search? Do we not job search? Do we stay in Michigan? Do we not stay in Michigan? Do we temporarily move to a bigger place until we know where we should be for good? Do we live outside in the front yard? (cause at this point there are probably less bugs out there since they all moved into our house.) Is our church where we want to be at for the rest of our lives? Do we even consider change? Do we just sit on the couch and wait for something to happen? AHH! I don’t know!

Lord, just give me peace in my mind. 

I feel like my family and I are sitting in the back seat of a beautiful expensive car.

But there is noone that we can visibly see driving the car. And all we can do is just enjoy the fact that we are even in this expensive car and hope that we arrive to the destination in one piece.

The expensive car represents our life in Christ. We am so blessed and so undeserving to even have Christ call us His children. It would be an honor to ride in an expensive luxorious car, and it is an honor to be His child. But when we have to put our lives into the hands of someone we can’t see, it becomes scary, but we have to continue to trust that God is there driving that car and taking us to where He wants us to be and we will arrive there safely.

So please be in prayer for our family as sit at the crossroads and we wait to know what God wants us to do. And pray for clarity that we will see clearly which road it is that God wants us to take.

Often times you feel like God opened a door and everything falls into place like it should, but in reality it really wasn’t the road He wanted you to take. So we definitely need to continue praying for clarity.

Here is a song that just speaks to me right now. I cannot think of a better thing to do while I am waiting than to continue serving my God and trusting in Him.

I hope you all have a blessed week!

The Line

Today I want to share my heart. Well, I guess most posts on here that is what I am doing, but this time I am digging deep into my heart and sharing it with you. The past few weeks I have been battling with some scripture that I have been studying. I guess I am just struggling with this topic a lot. So I want to share my thoughts and my heart.

My main focus of what I would like to talk about is based off of this question:

How far do we go with being a Christian? Where is that line that YOU draw in your life? 

I know this may seem like weird questions, but let me explain it a little to you. So many people today live their lives according to what the Bible says. Which is exactly what we are supposed to do. But I am bothered by the the fact that there are so many people who are extremely strict about specific parts of the Bible to follow, but other parts are not “as important.” I know I am like this in many ways. I know the 10 commandments and I have given my life to God and I intend on following those commandments to the best of my ability knowing that I am going to fall at times because I am a sinner.

But here is where it gets interesting. The 10 commandments is not the only place in the Bible where God commands us or asks of us specific things. Throughout the WHOLE Bible God is constantly telling us what to do and not to do. So why is it that so many of us follow just some of what God asks of us and are SO strict about it, but some of the things he says aren’t as important? (don’t get me wrong here, I am guilty of the same)

So in saying that I would like to touch on two specifics and then hopefully you will understand my point to all of this.

MODESTY

I find myself curious in the latest fashion. I am one who loves fashion and being creative with my outfits in accessorizing and all. It’s amazing to me how quick styles change, sometimes I can’t keep up. I’m pretty sure everyone was wearing bell bottoms and then I blinked and we were all wearing straight jeans. 😉 But, I love seeing the different changes for “whats in and whats out”. There are some outfits that are popular today that some would frown upon and some wouldn’t. This is where, for some different looks, it is your own personal preference or opinion. But in the end, here is the thing…God asks us to be modest.

1 Timothy 2:9 – “And I want women to be modest in their appearance. They should wear decent and appropriate clothing and not draw attention to themselves by the way they fix their hair or by wearing gold or pearls or expensive clothes.” 

Okay, so here is where I often see the line being drawn for most people (including myself). “And I want women to be modest in their appearance. They should wear decent and appropriate clothing and not draw attention to themselves.” (period…wait in the Bible there is no period there!!)

This is not just talking about the clothes that we wear (which is exactly what most people think of when they think of modesty)…But reading on it says, “by the way they fix their hair or by wearing gold or pearls or expensive clothes.”  So this is what I am wondering…it clearly states that we should not be drawing attention to ourselves by wearing gold, pearls or expensive clothes. I honestly don’t know exactly what too expensive is, but the gold and pearls thing is what I really find interesting. I wear gold and pearls for special occasions. But is that something that we aren’t supposed to do JUST AS MUCH as being modest in our clothing?

Okay another verse about modesty…

1Peter 3:3-4. “Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.”

So should we be careful as well not to braid our hair? Again it mentions gold jewelry and fine clothes. But another thing that I take out of 1 Peter 3:3-4 is that God looks at the heart for our beauty. Our heart is what is great worth to Him. Which, may I add ladies, should be what is great worth to the man you marry or want to marry as well.

Final verse about modesty (and outer appearance)….

Leviticus 19:27, “Ye shall not round the corners of your heads, neither shalt thou mar the corners of thy beard.” 

This is where I KNOW majority of the men today go against this verse (my own husband included). I NEVER saw anything wrong with this until it was brought to my attention recently. In translation to what this verse is saying, we are not to shave off our sideburns or trim our beards. WHAT??? since when right?? haha.

This is a big one for me because, like I said, majority of the men today do not follow this and according to the Bible they should. Does that mean that I am going to go tell my husband he is no longer aloud to shave his beard because that’s what the Bible says? NO! But why am I not doing that? Honestly, I don’t know.

The Bible clearly states that we are supposed to be modest and so many women are strict about this because of what the Bible says, but could care less if their husband shaves his beard and sideburns. It is such an interesting thing to realize. And I am pretty sure there is no argument to this or an excuse why we don’t follow some things in the Bible. The Bible says it….that should be it.

Also, Why do women not cover their heads anymore when they pray? The Bible says that a women should cover her head in prayer. Men still to this day uncover their heads as the Bible says, but majority of women do not follow that.

SABBATH 

We are supposed to keep the Sabbath holy. That is a statement that I have been raised to know. My mom was always really big about my sister and I not going to see movie on the Sabbath or not going to the mall ect. Once her and I grew older and moved out of the house I know we both started doing more on the Sabbath then we were supposed to.

It’s interesting the different definitions people have to “Keeping the Sabbath Holy.”

Some say, “OH! well I REALLY need to get this shirt at the mall before it isn’t on sale anymore.”- Okay. I’ve been there before and am still guilty of it today, but since when is fashion more important than faith? yikes.

Some say, “Well I have to work today because it is an opportunity to make money and provide for my family.” – I get it. Absolutely. But we should not work on the Sabbath. That’s it. Keep. it. holy.

Some also say, “I’m too tired to get up and go to church. I’ll just stay home and rest. Besides, didn’t God say we should rest on the Sabbath?” – Believe it or not, I have actually heard this before and it made me laugh. Yes, God says we should rest on the Sabbath, but he didn’t say to be lazy, sleep in and lay around all day. Go to God’s house and worship Him and fellowship with the church body. That is important. (don’t get me wrong. I’m preaching to myself here too. I have had those Sunday mornings where I am too tired to get up.)

Time for some scripture…

I LOVE LOVE LOVE the message version of these verses, Exodus 20: 8-11,

” Observe the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. Work six days and do everything you need to do. But the seventh day is a Sabbath to God, your God. Don’t do any work—not you, nor your son, nor your daughter, nor your servant, nor your maid, nor your animals, not even the foreign guest visiting in your town. For in six days God made Heaven, Earth, and sea, and everything in them; he rested on the seventh day. Therefore God blessed the Sabbath day; he set it apart as a holy day.”

I don’t think it could be put any more clearly than that. But like I said before, don’t see that it says “Rest” and that means sitting at home doing nothing. Get out and be with a church body and fellowship.

Also, there are many reasons why we should keep the Sabbath holy and why we should be a part of a church body, but the main reason and the most IMPORTANT reason is that going to church is also a matter of obeying God’s Word.

In Hebrews 10:24-26 it tells us not to forsake assembling together, implying that continued absence can lead to willful sin.

“And let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works, not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as is the manner of some, but exhorting one another, and so much the more as you see the Day approaching. For if we sin willfully after we have received the knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins.” (Heb. 10:24-26)

Once again, we are reminded that a great part of the purpose of the gathering is for the consideration of our brethren, coming together to help motivate and encourage one another. This is a responsibility charged to every believer. To reject church attendance, is a rejection of one of the sacred duties of the believer. “Therefore, to him who knows to do good and does not do it, to him it is sin” (James 4:17).

So those are just two points that I touched on today. There are SOOO MANY commandents of God throughout the Bible. But those are the two that have been on my heart lately.

So think about this again: Majority of Christians draw a line to as far as we will follow God’s word. 

Ask yourself this again: How far do we go with being a Christian? Where is that line that YOU draw in your life? 

I hope I got you thinking a little bit too. It’s a topic that I constantly battle with in my mind. And I don’t know why since in the end…why would we question something our God asks of us? Well I know for me it’s a sinful nature.

Study some of these scriptures. It really does get you thinking…

I hope you all have a blessed week!

Happy Father’s Day!

Today is the day! Today is the day that is dedicated to all the daddy’s out there! I am so blessed with some wonderful  men in my life. I want to share with you a little bit about some of those men I am so thankful to have.

First and for most. My husband. Oh my word where do I even begin? This man is an absolute gift to me. He is not only an incredible husband, but a beyond incredible daddy. I am so proud to call him my husband and the father of my children. He is such a hard worker in order to provide for his family and I hope he knows how much I appreciate that in him. Also, his family is his first priority. There are often times where he has little projects that he would like to do, but he always sees family as more important than that and it always comes first. I am so grateful for that! 

Matthew, I love you sooooo incredibly much! You mean the whole world to me and also to your  kids. You do so much for us and you work so hard and I appreciate you. Thank you for loving me in spite of my faults and weaknesses. Your unconditional love is not something I deserve, but it is so nice to have. 🙂 Happy Fathers day, Matthew, I love you. 

Next I must touch on the best daddy in the universe and that is my daddy. Once again, where do i begin? I honestly wish every girl in this world could have a daddy just like mine. Speaking of unconditional love…my daddy has shown me some serious unconditional love and such patience. I know there were many times through my childhood and probably now too where he feels like he is on a roller coaster with me. But he is always there to support me, love me, encourage me and be my daddy. Not to mention he is the most generous man I have ever met and he has a tender heart like his father and I love that about him. 

Dad, I love you so much! You have always been my protector and my prince. You have always been there for me through the good and the bad and I appreciate you for that. Thank you for your generous heart and your support that you show in my life. When God put me in your life when you and mom adopted me he knew exactly what I needed for a daddy and he gave me you. I have also found a whole new love for you as you are now Jaylin’s “Papau”. The love you show her is beyond! She is definitely a Papau’s girl and that is because you show her so much attention and love the moment she walks into your presence. Thank you for being such a wonderful daddy and papau. I love you so much! Forever your little girl. ❤ 

Next, I must also mention my father in-law. There is a reason why my husband is such a gentlemen and a loving man and this has A LOT to do with the father figure in his life. I am so blessed to have him for my father in-law and to have him be the man who fathered my husband. 

Brian, You are such a gift to me. You are not only a great father, but also a great ‘poppi”. I love your heart and your dedication to your family and to your Heavenly Father. Thank you for your love, support and encouragement. I am so thankful that God brought your family into my life. Happy Fathers Day. I love you. 

Now I need to share with you about 2 truly incredible men who are both unfortunately not with us anymore. First, my dearest daddyman. It has been several years since his passing, but he was such a Godly man, a wonderful grandpa, and a great father! I am thankful for this man because of how he raised my mom. My mom is part of who she is today because of daddyman. She stills talks about him to this day and all the silly things he used to say and about his dedication to his Lord. 

Daddyman, I miss you so much! I wish you were here still with us, but I know you are in a much better place. Thank you for your love, encouragement, heart for God and your sillyness. Thank you for raising my mom to be a Godly woman and a loving wife. She is a blessing to me and I thank YOU for having a part in her life. Happy Fathers day Daddyman. I love you and miss you!

Unfortunately I was unable to find a picture of Daddy man on my computer. But just know he was a very handsome man. 🙂

Finally, my dearest papa. Papa passed away this passed January on his 90th birthday and just a week after his 60th wedding anniversary with my Nana. I cannot begin to tell you how much I miss this man. He was such a tender hearted, loving, Godly and wonderful man. I have so many memories of papa. Especially the memory of me hopping up on his lap and asking him to draw a picture. He would draw the same picture every time. It was a picture of a girl skiing behind a boat on a lake with pine trees surrounding the lake. I like to think that it was a picture of Stormy Lake. One of Papa’s favorite places to go with his family and to fish. 

Papa, I miss you SOOO much! I wish you were here to celebrate Father’s day with us. But I know you are having a much bigger celebration in Heaven. It was strange to go and buy fathers day cards the other day and not get one for you. It didn’t feel right, but I do know that you are so much happier where you are and I know I will see you someday again. Thank you for being a loving, Godly, encouraging and also very silly Papa. I am thankful that you are my papa and also my daddy’s father. Thank you for your part in raising my dad to be a Godly man. You were a beautiful example of what a Godly husband and father is and I am so grateful that my daddy grew up with your example. Now my dad can carry that wonderful example you were as a papa as he is now a grandpa. I wish Jaylin could have been around you more, but those special times that she was around you, you had such a sweet smile on your face. I will never forget when I brought her into the hospital just a few days before your passing and you looked at her and said “bobbity” (which is what you called babies). Such a special memory that I will always hold close.  I love you papa sooo much! I miss you lots! 

So after writing all of those I feel myself getting emotional. That is because God is soooo good! He has blessed me so much in my life with such amazing people! 

I hope all of you have a blessed fathers day with your family! 

Faux Love? True Love?

Another topic from our marriage mentoring session was a really huge eye opener for us. The topic was commitment.

Before I go any further. Just because I talk specifically about marriage and this having to do with a spouse, please know that this is a great topic to be aware of and very knowledgable of even before you step into marriage.

Study and reflect on these points and thoughts in your single life, with your boyfriend or a fiance….

According to the dictionary, Commitment means : The act of committing, pledging, or engaging oneself, A pledge, promise, obligation or involvement.

Well according to what I have learned, commitment is so much more than just that!

I want to mention a few different topics and I promise it all comes together and ends with commitment.

So here is where I’m going to start…With 2 questions….

What kind of people CAN we marry? They could be Smart, Short, Tall, Athletic, Funny, Handsome, Beautiful, Artsy, Happy, Musical and most of all a Christian.

What kind of people can we NOT marry? An unbeliever.

2 Corinthians 6:14-18 says, “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God has said: “I will live with them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be my people.” “Therefore come out from them and be separate, says the Lord. Touch no unclean thing, and I will receive you. I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty.”

Isn’t it amazing that there are MILLIONS of things that can be written on the list of who we CAN marry, but there is only ONE on the list of what we cannot. JUST ONE! Don’t marry an unbeliever. Simple as that. But yet, so many people in this world don’t get it. It’s sad and I realized at this last mentoring session about commitment why marrying a believer is SOOOO important because without Christ in your life you are then without the love of Christ in your home.

Next thing I want to mention is things we mistake for love…

There are so many situations in our world today where an individual or a couple mistakes what they “feel” for each other as love. There is physical attraction which is scary because it is true that many people go into marriage with just a physical attraction. Yes, I believe that there has to be some kind of physical attraction, but there is much more than that in order to have a good foundation to your marriage.

Paul Tripp says in his book, “What did you expect?”, “You may think you love this person, but you don’t really. No, what you love is her physical beauty. What you think is love is self-love in the mask of true love. You want to be with her not because you love her, but because you love yourself and you want to decorate your life with her physical beauty.”

Emotional Connection.

I want to pretty much take my notes from the session and share them pretty close to word for word just because this is such an important point.

Take note of this…You cannot have a long-term relationship with a person who is never on the same emotional page as you, But you can have all of this and not have love. But look at this in an opposite approach: You can have a relationship where the emotional connections between the man and the woman was not natural and spontaneous, where it took much more work to connect in that way, but where a solid relationship of true love developed. Emotional connection is powerful and enjoyable but the powerful thing you are experiencing may not be love. 

Here is the point: Like physical attraction, emotional connection can actually be SELF-LOVE wearing the mask of TRUE LOVE.

Could it be that you are powerfully attracted to someone because he is easy and enjoyable to be with? 

Being with him doesn’t take a lot of commitment or effort because you are so emotionally alike. Maybe you are attracted to him not because you have come to love him, but because you love yourself, and he is comfortable to be with, and you are drawn to the effortlessness of the relationship.

Let’s be honest….Most of us don’t enjoy hard work and will avoid it if possible.

I think this tendency to work-avoidance and ease-attraction has gotten many marriages off on the wrong foot by convincing couples that they are experiencing love when what they are really experiencing is FAUX LOVE.

Spiritual Unity

This will trouble some of you, but it has to be said: the powerful attraction of spiritual zeal and unity may NOT be love; it may actually be self-love in the mask of true love. 

There are MANY situations where women who are married (or even just in a relationship with a man) say that they are attracted to their “spirituality”, their biblical literacy, and their theological knowledge, only to sadly come to realize that the man they married or that they are in a relationship with doesn’t really love them.

Paul Tripp says, “They [these women] were attracted to them because they shared a platform of spiritual unity that may make building a relationship a lot  less work then it otherwise would be. And in almost every situation, the men were drawn by the way the women looked up to them as a theological mentor. But when the women demonstrated that they are sinners and not always willing students and the men showed that they love the theology of the women more than they do the women, the house of cards came crashing down.”

Isn’t it scary to even think that THIS can be something that can blind us from true love? YIKES!

Culture 

God has crafted locations, situations, and relationships for you that have formed your cultural instincts and tastes. You have certain dislikes and likes. There are experiences in life that have formed your sense of what is important and what is not, what is beautiful and what is not. You come to every relationship you have with certain assumptions about what is proper and to be expected.

We carry with us differing definitions of what is polite and what is not, what is tasteful and what is not, what is expensive and what is not. They then become one of the lenses through which you look to evaluate the people in your life, so it is very compelling when you are in a relationship with someone and you share the same assumptions, expectations, and unspoken rules.

It is hard not to be drawn to that person, and it is tempting to mistake your cultural unity and the attraction it created as love. 

So be super careful when you carry a certain definition of a father, brother, sister, friend, worker, neighbor, boss and especially spouse…

Paul Tripp says, “Once again, the powerful attraction of cultural continuity may feel like love, but it may actually be self-love masquerading as love. Perhaps you are drawn to your spouse not because you love them, but because you love your-self, and you are stunned by how much they agree with you. Your spouse is attracted to because they thinks you are right about life as much as you think you are, and you find this to be a very attractive thing.

Perhaps you don’t actually love your spouse. 

Perhaps what you love is the similarity of your cultural assumptions.

This too will almost always be challenged in marriage as you come to realize that you are not clones of one another and you are faced with the reality that there are many places where you disagree and look at life differently. Again, what looks like love may be just another compelling form of FAUX LOVE.”

So after all of this…What Then Is True Love? 

True love is cruciform, it takes the shape of the cross: 1 John 4:7-12, 16b-21

“Love is willing self- sacrifice for the good of another that does not require reciprocation or that the person being loved is deserving.”- Paul Tripp

QUESTION TO PONDER: Does this definition of love turn love into cold, dutiful responsibility? What keeps love from becoming this? 

So in conclusion I want to leave you with a list of what true love looks like.  I said I would bring you back to commitment and this is how, by giving you a list of what true love looks like in order to be committed to your spouse. This is such a cool list. In our class we were given this list on nice paper in a bookmark type form. Below this list is a picture of it.

I encourage you to print  this off this list and post it somewhere in your home.

I challenge you to reflect and pray over each one of these.

Choose one each day to focus on throughout your day.

Treat it like a daily devotional…

What Does True LOVE look like? 

1.  Love is being willing to have your life complicated by the needs and struggles of your husband or wife without impatience or anger.
2.  Love is actively fighting the temptation to be critical and judgmental toward your spouse, while looking for ways to encourage and praise.
3. Love is the daily commitment to resist the needless moments of conflict that come from pointing out and responding to minor offenses.
4. Love is being lovingly honest and humbly approachable in times of misunderstanding, and being more committed to unity and love than you are to winning, accusing, or being right.
5. Love is a daily commitment to admit your sin, weakness, and failure and to resist the temptation to offer an excuse or shift the blame.
6. Love is being willing, when confronted by your spouse, to examine your heart rather than rising to your defense or shifting the focus.
7. Love is a daily commitment to grow in love so that the love you offer to your husband or wife is increasingly selfless, mature, and patient.
8. Love is being unwilling to do what is wrong when you have been wronged but to look for concrete and specific ways to overcome evil with good.
9. Love is being a good student of your spouse, looking for his physical, emotional, and spiritual needs so that in some way you can remove the burden, support him as he carries it, or encourage him along the way.
10. Love means being willing to invest the time necessary to discuss, examine, and understand the problems that you face as a couple, staying on task until the problem is removed or you have agreed upon a strategy of response.
11. Love is always being willing to ask for forgiveness and always being committed to grant forgiveness when it is requested.
12. Love is recognizing the high value of trust in a marriage and being faithful to your promises and true to your word.
13. Love is speaking kindly and gently, even in moments of disagreement, refusing to attack your spouse’s character or assault his or her intelligence.
14. Love is being unwilling to flatter, lie, manipulate, or deceive in any way in order to co-opt your spouse into giving you what you want or doing something your way.
15. Love is being unwilling to ask your spouse to be the source of your identity, meaning and purpose, or inner sense of well-being, while refusing to be source of his or hers.
16. Love is the willingness to have less free time, less sleep, and a busier schedule in order to be faithful to what God has called you to be and to do as a husband or a wife.
17. Love is a commitment to say not o selfish instincts and to do everything that is within your ability to promote real unity, functional understanding, and active love in your marriage.
18. Love is staying faithful to your commitment to treat your spouse with appreciation, respect, and grace, even in moments when he or she doesn’t seem to deserve it or is unwilling to reciprocate.
19. Love is the willingness to make regular and costly sacrifices for the sake of your marriage without asking anything in return or using your sacrifices to place you spouse in your debt.
20. Love is being unwilling to make any personal decision or choice that would harm your marriage, hurt your husband or wife, or weaken the bond of trust between you.
21. Love is refusing to be self-focused or demanding but instead looking for specific ways to serve, support, and encourage, even when you are busy or tired.

Love is daily admitting to yourself, your spouse, and God that you are not able to love this way without God’s protecting providing, forgiving, rescuing, and delivering grace.

“Love is a specific commitment of the heart to a specific person that causes you to give yourself to a specific lifestyle of care that requires you to be willing to make sacrifices that have that person’a good in view.”- Paul Tripp

“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is nor arrogant or rude. It does not insist on it’s own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

I pray you all have a blessed week!

~Elysa

The “F” Word

Forgiveness. One of the hardest things to do sometimes. Whether it is forgiving someone or seeking forgiveness for a wrong you have done to someone else. Seeking forgiveness from God, now that’s an important step that can be forgotten sometimes. 

In our marriage mentoring class we learned about forgiveness. Not just forgiveness between each other, but forgiveness between you and God also. 

So here’s the golden question: What is forgiveness? 

Paul Tripp says in his book, “What Did You Expect?” that “forgiveness is a vertical commitment (judicial) that is followed by a horizontal transaction (relational).” 

When you are seeking forgiveness “vertically” you take the offense and you first give the offense to God. Then you do not carry the offense or treat the individual who has done you wrong in light of the offense.

Then you take time with yourself and you entrust yourself to God’s mercy and justice; you give yourself to overcoming evil with good. Finally, you respond to the one who has offended you with the same grace that God has given you.  

But does this mean that you just pretend then that you weren’t affected or hurt by the offense? Do you just pretend it didn’t happen? 

No. Next you go to the one who offended you with the right attitude seeking reconciliation. 

Paul Tripp says, ” Vertical forgiveness clears your heart o the baggage of bitterness and condemnation so that you can face your spouse [or whoever offended you] in a way that is kind, patient, loving, humble, and encouraging.” 

Forgiveness “horizontally”. First you go to the offender as God’s instrument, hoping that their heart will be grieved and that he/she will confess their sin and ask for forgiveness.

You cannot relationally forgive someone who has not asked for it. 

Finally, remember, forgiveness is a process NOT an event. 

If forgiveness is not sought out when needed then that can be a cause of pride or fear. Pray for them. 

So when is forgiveness needed? 

Confession and forgiveness is needed only in instances when the one who has done you wrong has done something that the Bible calls sin. You do not need to ask forgiveness for the following: accidents, weakness, personality differences, attempting and failing at an endeavor. 

But also take note of this. You do not need to seek forgiveness to someone if you just “hurt” or “dissapointed” them for a sin you did. Unless you specifically sinned against them. 

Now I want to turn my focus more on forgiveness in a marriage: 

We learned a lot during this marriage mentoring class topic. Forgiveness is hard to see through in a marriage. Sometimes spouses don’t forgive each other because, “I want the power to hold something over my spouse’s head”, “I feel superior when I hold onto my spouse’s sin, weakness and failure, “I have the opportunity then to pull out my spouse’s wrongs when I am angry” and “I want to be the judge to make sure my spouse feels appropriate guilt.”

Well let me tell you something. You are not the judge. God is.  

Unforgiveness in a marriage (or any relationship for that matter) can lead you down a very scary path. 

1. Immaturity and failure: young newlyweds do dumb, selfish, sinful things that neither thought they would do.

 2. Falling into comfortable patterns: Since forgiveness takes hard work, we take the easy way out.    

3. Establishing defenses: Early in marriage we learn to build defensive walls against our spouse’s accusations.

4. Nurturing defenses: we meditate on our spouse’s wrong and become increasingly negative.

5. Becoming overwhelmed: Living with someone you don’t like leaves you exhausted and fragile

6. Envy of other couples: You envy others who seem to have what ou don’t

7. Fantasies of escape: Believing that your spouse won’t change, you begin to fantasize about escape.

Don’t run away from forgiveness. It is so incredibly important to have in your marriage. Forgiveness is a gift, but also a reality. Face it and forgive each other.        

My husband and I were challenged with this challenge. We agreed to do it for 30 days and I can honestly tell you that those 30 days were different from all the other hundreds of days we have been together in our marriage. There was more peace, joy, love and a feeling of freedom because nothing was left “under the rug”. Now after 30 days we are continuing to do this challenge and I pray we continue with it for the rest of our lives together. So I am going to challenge you. For 30 days follow this challenge: 

“Lifestyle of Confession and Forgiveness”: A Daily Project 

Every morning when you first wake up. Post it on your refrigerator or on your night stand or bathroom mirror or just memorize it (for all you over achievers). Somewhere where you will see it before starting your day. Say this prayer: 

“Lord make me sensitive to my selfish and sinful actions and attitudes. Open my eyes to see the worth of my spouse. Give me a heart to want my spouse’s holiness.” 

Finally in the evening have a reflection time with your spouse. Just when it is you and your spouse. I suggest when you are lying in bed before going to sleep. Make it your reflection time: 

1. Ask your spouse for forgiveness for anything you know you did that day 

2. If God does not bring anything to mind that you need to ask forgiveness for, ask you spouse if there is anything that you need correction regarding. 

3. Give forgiveness and/or correction to your spouse as appropriate

4. Rehearse evidences of God’s grace in your spouse’s life that day. 

 

I challenge you and I promise you that you will see great things in your marriage because of forgiveness. 

 

Are you up for the challenge?