Scars

“You are worthless.” 

“No one loves you.” 

“You are so fat.”

“You are so ugly.” 

“You have no one who cares about you.” 

“You are a horrible mom and wife.” 

I could continue on with this list for hours if I had the time. These are only a few of the lies Satan has tried to convince me are true. I am sure majority of you have heard these exact same lies. Many of you are completely convinced that these are all true about you. Let me tell you something…THEY ARE ALL LIES!!!

Trust me on this…I am preaching this to myself as well! 

Those lies are so real to us as women and young girls. They are so convincing and feel like a knife stabbing you in the chest sometimes. When I hear those lies in my head I feel sick to my stomach.

One of the worst lies I have been battling with through my second pregnancy is this “Your husband doesn’t love you as much because you’re so huge.”

AH! I hate even typing those words out! All I can continue saying to myself is “SHAME ON YOU FOR THINKING THAT IS TRUE!!!!!” My husband is one of the most caring and loving people I know. He does everything he can to make me feel beautiful and so loved, but Satan does such a good job of blinding me from how much my husband is loving me. It causes me to sit here with tears filling my eyes that I would even think such thoughts for a moment. I know that those lies never come from anything my husband is doing wrong, because he isn’t doing anything wrong and nothing that should make me feel that way! It’s all Satan just wanting to convince me that because of my appearance when i’m pregnant that my husband doesn’t love me as much.

Well I am not saying that I have defeated this lie because it is a constant battle, but I know that Satan can never win with this lie. As much as he tries to, he. will. NOT. win!!!

I have been struggling with lies my whole life. I know all women struggle with lies through their lives, whether they know it or not. There was a time in my life when lies just about ruined me. My freshman year of college was when I let Satan win. I had been dating a guy for 2 years and the relationship was full of a lot of “yuck”! I remember the day so clearly when that relationship ended. It was a phone conversation that led to a break up. It took me no longer than 5 min. to run to my dorm room bathroom and start digging in my bathroom drawers for the sharpest item I could find. As I was digging through those drawers the thoughts running through my mind were “No one will ever care about you.” “No one will ever love you.” “He doesn’t want to be with you because you are ugly.” Satan hadn’t just convinced me of all those horrible lies (and many more of them that I didn’t list here), but he also convinced me that there was only one solution to not feeling that pain anymore and that was to inflict a different kind of pain. A pain that was physical, not emotional…

That is when my journey down hill began. I regularly turned to pulling off the caps of my bobby pins to slit my wrists because that emotional pain was so deep from all those lies that I was SURE that was the only way to make it go away and take my mind off of it. I began smoking because I was convinced by Satan that smoking relieves stress (I know a lot of you believe this, but trust me it isn’t true). I began going to the clubs to dance with men I didn’t know because Satan had convinced me that it was the only way I would feel important by a man ever again. I began making choices that led me to, still today, struggle emotionally over because Satan had convinced me that I was worthless and cheap.

It took me awhile to come out of those lies. I went through biblical counseling for awhile, which was very helpful and really opened my eyes. But most of all I had to get myself to the point of not just realizing, but believing that everything that had led me down that path were from lies! Lies that Satan put into my mind, but I chose to believe.

My point of sharing this all with you is to help you see, more than you may already know, how toxic Satan’s lies are. There is one thing letting those lies convince you, but it is another thing when you let them completely control your life. I was like a puppet being controlled by Satan and his lies. He had so much fun leading me around completely brain washed by him.

Praise God that HE was my ultimate protection from things becoming any worse than they were. Praise God that HE sees me as beautiful and completely worth something! Praise God that HE sees me as someone that is so loved! But most of all praise God that HE opened my eyes and my heart to see HIM!

Don’t believe those lies, ladies! They are like poison to your mind, heart and soul! I want you to read this paragraph out loud. I pray you read it and believe it.

I am so loved! I am so loved by GOD and by others! I have never been worthless and I will NEVER be worthless. I am worth something! I am absolutely beautiful! I am a beautiful creation by God! Satan cannot and will not convince me otherwise! 

I could probably write you 50 more sentences in that paragraph, but just take those words there and let them sink in. These are ALL true about YOU!!!

Don’t let those lies take over you! (again preaching to myself also) It is a HUGE battle to not be convinced by lies, but it is an even bigger battle when you have let yourself be convinced and you then have to somehow cut those puppet strings to free you from the bondage Satan puts you in.

God is so good! I am so blessed! I say this because it is so true and because I am thankful for the testimony He has given me. It has shaped me into who I am today and continues to. I used to think that the scars on my wrist were going to constantly remind me of the pain I went through. That is kind of true…the scars do remind me of the pain, but in a way that tells me that I don’t want that pain again. It also is a reminder that these scars remind me of the love God has for me. There is a song written by Shannon Wexelburg, titled “These Scars” that says, “These scars remind me of the love you have for me. Were it not for you where would I be? For these scars, point me to the cross of Calvary.  I bare them in your name and I won’t be ashamed of these scars.” 

Absolutely beautiful song! 

I want to end this post by praying for all of you and with a song. The words are so powerful in this song and I hope you take the time to listen to it!

Heavenly Father, I pray for anyone reading this post today and any other women out there who are listening to the lies. Remind them of how loved they are! Help them to be released from any past mistakes they have made that have left them with physical, spiritual, emotional or mental scars. Life can be painful and messy, but help them know that we can always trust in YOU and you LOVE us! You are so good to us! Give us all strength to fight Satan and his lies! Thank you for protecting us and loving us in spite of everything! In Jesus name, Amen