Blessings

I’ve realized something today. Something that I really did know, but maybe not as deep as I know today…I am SO incredibly blessed! It has been a beyond incredible realization to come to today.

Let me start by telling you that the past 2 days I have really been down emotionally. Being 9 months pregnant and being home with a very active toddler has been very exhausting on me on all levels.

We have stepped into a new stage the past 2 days. A stage that sooner or later every child reaches. The stage of “lets see how much I can test mommy with my disobedience.”

All I can say after the past 2 days is, “Lord! Bless my own mother for all I put her through!”

Let me first tell you before I continue. God has blessed me with an INCREDIBLE sweet natured child! It is nothing at all that my husband or I have done in raising her, it has everything to do with how God made her! She is SOOOO sweet and such a loving baby girl, but she is also a little sinner and her sinful nature has been kicking into high gear lately. 🙂

So I have been exhausted due to that and due to being 9 months pregnant. I know God has really been testing me lately. I have been tested with my patience, my trust in HIM, controlling my emotions (that’s a hard one with all those crazy hormones), and even being tested in my attitude overall. 

When it comes to my daughter, she is my absolute world! I truly believe that child hung the moon! That’s what makes this new stage in her life so difficult because if I want to raise my child Biblically, then with disobedience comes consequences. I definitely know that I am like my dad when it comes to consequences. I have a tender heart for my baby girl and I look at consequences as “hurting” her. Every time I would punish her I would burst into tears because I felt so horrible!

Is this normal for a new mommy? (I can’t possibly be alone on this one!) 

This is one area where I have had to learn patience. I kept thinking,

“why can’t I just punish her once and she just gets it?!!?? and never disobeys again??!!”

Oh dear, what a silly thing to think. My child is a sinner and that’s just it. It is scary how young this sinful nature shines it’s light, but I have to understand that my child will NEVER be perfect and there will be consequences throughout her whole life. 

Now, this does not mean that I enjoy punishing her whatsoever! But, it does mean that I am coming to a better understanding of why I discipline my child. In Proverbs it says that the Lord disciplines those He loves. 

I discipline my child because i LOVE her!!! 

Proverbs 23:13 says, “Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish them with the rod, they will not die.”

This kind of made me smile a little because I am so afraid I am going to permanently damage my child by spanking her. So this was very nice to have the reassurance that my child will not die from a spanking. 🙂 

This is where I have also needed to learn trust. Trust that what God says throughout the whole Bible about discipline is absolutely true. I needed to learn to follow and trust HIS word. 

And of course, like I said, learning to control my emotions when I am trying my best to follow God’s word and discipline my child. I need to figure out how to stop becoming such a basket case every single time. Right now I blame these emotions on my crazy hormones, but as I continue being a mommy I know I need to find a little more strength. And I know that strength will come from no where else but from God. 🙂 

On top of this crazy new stage with my daughter, like I said, I am 9 months pregnant. My due date is next week and this is where I have been tested in EVERYTHING I mentioned earlier.

Patience, trust, emotions and attitude. 

I am soooo ready to be done with this pregnancy. I have never felt so miserable in my life. I cry all the time, I walk about 2 feet and feel like i’m going to pee my pants, I can’t get a good night of sleep, I am pretty sure i haven’t gotten through a whole night without going to bathroom at least 6 times. But with all that being said PRAISE GOD that he has blessed me with the gift to have children. 🙂 I know a lot of people in my life, including my own mother, who could not have children and I think of these people when I just want to complain all day. (doesn’t mean I never complain, i do quite often) But lately it has helped my attitude and what I say in my mind to myself to be more positive. I am so thankful for the gift to carry this precious little one inside of me! God is good! 

So I am going to do my best these next few weeks or days or hours…however long I have left in this pregnancy to just be patient. To trust God’s timing. To hold in my emotions when I go to the bathroom for the 6th time in the night and to just have a more positive attitude. 

Wish me luck! 😉

This is DEFINITELY not easy! I find it much easier to just complain, but I know I don’t have much longer to go and like my wonderful husband has continued to remind me,

“Hunny, just remember you will definitely get that baby out eventually! I can promise you there is an end to it and you will not be carrying him in there forever!” 

Oh that is such a good thing to remind myself all those times I feel like it will never end! 

So going back to my realization that really I came to just today and that is…

I am SO blessed! 

Let me tell you why…

After the past 2 days of being at my worst emotionally I was given the gift, by my incredible in laws, of a break. They came and picked up my daughter yesterday afternoon and kept her over night and I have spent the whole day today just enjoying some “me” time and doing some things I normally don’t get to do. 

My in laws are such a blessing!! 

I had so much time today to reflect and have peaceful moments with God.

That was such a blessing! 

I went and picked up my grandma and took her out for breakfast and had such an encouraging and uplifting conversation with her.

SHE is a blessing! 

I went to the bank and got money out to pay the payment on our home…that never feels like a blessing when I see money like that disappear, until I think about where the money is going. It goes towards our home. The home that we own!

Our HOME is a HUGE blessing! And it is a blessing that we can afford it!

I went home and rested for an hour and a half. I just laid there (hoping to sleep, but didn’t) and just found myself thinking. I was thinking about my sweet girl who has been driving me up the wall the past 2 days. I started thinking about how much I LOVE her! How much JOY she brings to me! 

Her bad moments are completely outweighed by all those special moments where she brings such pure JOY! 

My daughter is such a beautiful blessing to me! 

After I rested today I had this feeling like I wanted to bless my mom. She has been such an encouragement to me the past few days (and my whole life) and I wanted to show her my appreciation for her. So I went to the store and picked out some bright yellow cheerful Gerbera daisies and surprised her at her work with them. 

I am SOOOO beyond blessed to have her for my mom. ❤

And now here I sit at Starbucks downtown Grand Rapids, sharing my thoughts with you and drinking some coffee. 🙂 But let me tell you how I got to Starbucks…

My wonderful husband had me drive to his work (which is also downtown) and he left work for the moment to drop me off at Starbucks so that I didn’t have to park somewhere and walk. Those little things he does to show how much he cares for me just make my heart smile. 

I am SO beyond blessed to be able to call him MY husband! 

This is only the beginning of the blessings in my life. But I am mainly focusing right now on those blessings that really stood out to me today. 🙂 

God knew that I needed this day today.

He knew that I needed a day to rest, reflect and re-focus. 

It has been a marvelous day! But I sure do miss my sweet girl and cannot wait to see her tonight! I’m excited to kiss her chubby little cheeks and tell her I love her! 

Please keep me in your prayers! That I can keep this new focus and new attitude! That I can stay positive through the rest of this pregnancy and that God continues to give me the strength and wisdom when it comes to disciplining my daughter. 

I hope you all are having a wonderful day! If you are in Michigan, I hope you have been enjoying this beautiful spring weather! 

Go reflect on all the blessings in your life and thank God for them today! 

I want to end this post with some photos of my those blessings that God showed me today…

My mother and father in-law 

 

My sweet and precious Nana 

 

 

 

The best mom in the world! 

My beautiful daughter, Jaylin! 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The man I call my husband! ❤ Such a handsome guy! I just love him!